Thursday, July 19, 2012

This is what I miss

Hotel California. I never expected that classic song by the Eagles to bring me to tears, but a year ago today my mom died and I expect anything is likely to make me cry. I was driving to Ventura by myself this morning and I think the fact that I was alone and had time to process my thoughts lent itself to tears. When I returned home, I called my dad and we talked for awhile and then I decided to read my journal from last year. A week after my mom passed away, I wrote a list of everything I will miss about my mom. I had read somewhere that this "exercise" is actually very healing, even though it seems it would make a person depressed. It was healing, and I encourage anyone who has suffered a loss to try this. You’ll be surprised when a smile starts to form on your face (after the tears subside). This is what I miss about my mom.

I miss talking on the phone with her, making cards with her. I miss watching her play with my girls, and the way she called me, Hon.” I miss her encouraging emails and her face and her smile. I miss her hair, which she always wanted to look “just right.” I miss going to the craft store with her and I miss how excited she got when she added a new duck to her collection. I miss her telling me I’m a good writer, a good mother. I miss bringing her coffee—black—and watching her drink it so slowly that I had to reheat it at least twice before she finished the cup. I miss her calling me on the phone to ask me “a quick question.” I miss the packages she would send in the mail—where she managed to include something for everyone in the family. I miss Christmas with my mom, whether we celebrated in November, December or January. I miss her thoughtfulness and her care.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Us, Part 2

This is my favorite picture from our anniversary trip. It's a self-portrait taken on the train ride back home after we spent four days biking around San Luis Obispo.